Restless Ramblings

12th of Rova 4713

Emilian couldn't sleep. It wasn't unusual, but it was annoying. Sometimes thoughts and possibilities flitted through his mind with such enthusiasm that he found it difficult to concentrate on any particular one... finding the 'Amatatsu Seal' had not changed things for the better in that regard.

In Sandpoint, when nights like this would overtake him, he would tend to go for a walk. Out on the road... a simple walk could have deadly consequences.

Still, maybe a little fresh air would do him good.

With a little work, he put his long coat on, and climbed out of the wagon. The night air was brisk, but he suspected that the further north they went, the worse it would get. Before long he may long for just 'brisk.'

He scanned the area near the fire but didn't see anyone. Someone was supposed to be on watch at all times during the night. It was the darkest part of the night, which usually meant Nerizza's shift.

She was one of the quietest of their small group and the light of the fire didn't go that far.

"Nerizza?" He whispered. Hoping for a tone loud enough to be heard by those awake... but not by those who were trying to sleep. "Anyone still out here?"

A shadow heard the man move from his quarters and from the crouched position it had been holding, rolled up onto the balls of its feet.  The minute movement, the first it had made since watch began over an hour ago, afforded a slightly better view of him over the lip of the fortuneteller's wagon from which it was keeping vigil.

"I'm here."  The shadow replied in an almost childlike tone.  "Is there trouble?  Did you see something?"

It was not Emilian's physical sight to which she referred of course, but his Sight. . .that preternatural ability that he held claim to.  Nerizza had little reason to put over much stock in that claim yet, but likewise had little reason to doubt it.  Koya clearly trusted in his visions however and he had a strong, protective affinity for the old woman which labeled him, in her mind, as a man of good, solid character.  Even if he was a Desnan.  Even if he was a seer.

The shadow shifted, materializing into a lithe, reed-like form that slipped off the edge of the wagon to land on her feet just behind him.  Nerizza pulled her hood back just far enough to reveal her face and the too-large eyes, the color of warm honey, looking up at the man.  

She should have been attractive.  Her features and bone structure surely hearkened back to those of a noble ancestor, but each detail was marred in some way; perverted by the blood of a very different forebear.  Warm, enticing eyes were slashed by amphibian-like, horizontal pupils.  Full, soft lips pulled back to reveal the pointed, white teeth beneath.  Her neck, long and graceful, was stained on either side by russet colored spots that resembled those of a jungle cat.  The rest, in her shame, she kept hidden.  Even from these that had become her companions.

Emilian startled as she landed so near and so quietly. Quickly he tried to regain his composure. This 'adventurer' thing was a process he was beginning to realize. He wondered if it was as strange a fit for anyone else, or if it was just him.

"See? What? Ohhh... ummm... no. Nothing as far as I know. I just didn't want to be mistaken for a bandit or anything.

"It wouldn't do me any good to get stabbed from the darkness just for stretching my legs, would it?" He smirked a little at the joke.

"Ahh, stuff that," she played along, grinning a toothy grin as she looked him over. "You'd never be mistaken for a bandit by anyone with two eyes and a brain in between, and I ain't in the habit of stabbing those who've been so good about keeping me alive over the last couple of months! That would be a bit counterproductive, don't you think?"

Nerizza leaned back against the wagon in semblance of a relaxed posture though her muscles remained as taut as a bow string. Years spent ever alert in the wilderness had killed any sense of true ease and left her rather tightly coiled in all situations. Even sleep afforded little relief. Thus, she was quite familiar with the restless night that Emilian seemed to be experiencing, though she doubted it was due to the same cause.

"Feel free to wander close about without threat of stabbing." She arched an already sharply arched brow. "If you're sure there's nothing wrong and it's just a leg stretching that you're needing, that is."

"Nah... I'll be fine. Taking me longer to get used to sleeping in a wagon then I would have thought. My mother used to talk about it... but it didn't sound like this."

He glanced at his mysterious ally and conducted a familiar debate. It had been entirely too long on the road, and everyone was still a mystery. Perhaps now he could alter that a bit...

If he could do so without getting stabbed of course. The young fortune teller tried hard enough, but sometimes he had a habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Thinking that maybe he was a cautionary tale for other versions of himself sometimes made that habit more palatable.

"Actually, I wouldn't mind some company for a bit. Shalelu's a bit of a legend around Sandpoint... and I'd heard that she had an apprentice, but I'm a little surprised we hadn't crossed paths before.

"How did you meet Shalelu? Are you family?"

He grimaced and shook his head. "Unless I'm prying again. I do that sometimes."

Nerizza blanched at the sudden question but quickly forced herself back into her usual watchful calm. It didn't seem that he had ulterior motives beyond simple curiosity and her mentor had assured her that these folk kept more of an open mind than did most others. The tiefling hadn't had need to test that theory as of yet, but she trusted Shalelu and realized. . . that she trusted this man as well.

"Shalelu and I are family in every way that matters," she stated plainly after a protracted moment. Her amber eyes, never stationary for long, flicked about the campsite from shadow to shadow and back to Emilian. "Not by blood though. She took me under her wing when I was eight."

A kindness I can never repay, was left unsaid, but hung in the weight of her expression and the down turned curve of her mouth.

She couldn't squelch the need to fidget, and shifted her footing. "There's something I. . . I meant to tell you for so long, that I am sorry about what happened to your parents." By the time she had seen the fires and made her way to the north end of town, it was too late for them. The Heroes of Sandpoint were taking care of the remaining goblins there, which left her to skulk back into the darkness and ferret out any which might have slipped past. As it turned out, there were many more than she realized.

"They were good people and your mother had such a beautiful voice. . . Sometimes I would hear her singing when she took the wash down from the line at night. A song about a whippoorwill?" She nodded, remembering. "I would often listen until she went in."

Emilian blinked in surprise. It had never occurred to him that she had been out there watching them... Every knew that Shalelu was 'around'... a silent guardian helping against goblin raids... but the idea that there had been someone watching them do laundry was a bit more disconcerting. The unease passed as quickly as it came as she reminded him of better days.

"Yes... the whippoorwill. I remember that one quite fondly myself. She said it was a folk song that her mother had taught her when she was young. Something about the bird that sings during the night and hides itself during the day...

"Frankly, I think she was trying to tell me something. It was about that time the visions were causing me to make... questionable decisions."

"Questionable decisions?" The young voice inflected, curiosity piqued. "Did your mother counsel you to keep your. . . well. . . Your differences a secret?"

"I suppose you could say that. I wasn't very good at it, but I tried.

"People... treated me differently when I... did what I do. Shunning or glaring mostly. People have secrets, and they didn't really like that I knew what I knew. Most of the time I didn't even realize what I was doing... but I didn't make many friends when I started commenting on things that I shouldn't have known.

"On the good days people accused me of being a snoop or spying. On the bad ones? I'm not really sure. My parents had a lot of meetings with people and there were a lot of raised voices. Those were the days I stayed with Koya's mother.

"She helped. I don't really keep my abilities as a 'secret' so much.... now I try to channel them a bit better. I dress them up in the act, and people actually pay for me to 'reveal things' to them..." He shook his head in disbelief.

"I guess I understand..." he hesitated as a warning flashed through his mind and he reconsidered his words. That was the wrong thing to say. He may have been avoided or seen some 'warning signs to ward of the evil eye' in his time, but he didn't hide in a cloak and listen to songs from the shadows.

"... what you mean by 'family in all but blood," he corrected quickly. "The Mvashti's are as much my family as the Landuns or even the Zaneski clan. More so now."

The corners of her mouth curved slightly, careful to keep the pointed teeth ensconced behind. She was surprised to discover a certain kinship with the man. One she certainly hadn't expected! He might have been accepted for what he was, but what he could do was another matter entirely.

"People are afraid of what they don't understand," she whispered loudly enough for him to hear and in a tone that revealed intimate knowledge of that truth. "And if such a disparity actually arises from among them? Well then, their whole way of life feels threatened. Uncomfortable questions start to come up and of course no one wants to dig too deeply, so it's easier to push that anomaly to the fringes or cast them out entirely.

"Or at least that has been my experience. . ." Nerizza peered up at him awkwardly

"But I'm really glad that the Mvashti's were there to support you when you needed them, as you are here now to support Koya. Whether or not you feel accepted by the people of Sandpoint," she concluded, "both you and your gifts seem to fit in well with our little caravan."

"Yeah, Madame Niska asked me to keep an eye on her... so where Koya goes, I go.

"Admittedly it never occurred to me that she would be traveling literally half-way around the world... She seems set on it though. When Koya puts her mind to something... well, there's nothing I can say to change her mind," he shook his head with a chuckle.

"I'm not as certain how well I fit here yet... but I'll do the best I can, while I can to keep all of you alive.

"Which... I'll be honest, has been a lot harder then I expected. Even with the goblin tribes and what happened to my parents... I never imagined this world was so dangerous." He shook his head in amazement. "I knew there would be some difficulties, but I had expect that to take the form of broken wagon wheels... not Harpies and Oni... Now?? With finding that seal? The stakes are only going up!

"I have never spent so much time covered in blood in my life. Both mine, my enemies and my new friends!"

Nerizza kept her expression blank and was markedly silent on that point, but at last she bobbed her head, agreeing.

"You're right, this has already been a difficult road and we have a long way to go yet! I suppose one doesn't need to be a prophet to know things are gonna get harder. Especially with the oni on our tails and that bloody raven haunting our steps." She cast a withering glare out into the darkness where she knew that from somewhere just outside her vision, they were being watched.

"Seeing as I'm not used to fighting the way we do, it only makes this a little harder." She returned her attention to Emilian. "With a group, that is. . . In the light. I'm learning a lot, but I've a long way to go as Shalelu keeps telling me. Clearly this is true."

Her grimace slowly morphed into a shy, guarded smile as she continued.

"I meant what I said though. . . About keeping me alive? Well, I. . . I don't even think you hesitated to come help, bringing me back from unconsciousness more than once, and I thank you for that. It means a lot that I can trust you to have my back and I want you to know that I have yours as well.

"You are very welcome," he said with a warm smile as he nodded his head.

"And really, you've given me no reason not to. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt as a rule... Everyone is capable of being a good, decent person... or a psychotic murderer. Even myself."

He couldn't repress a shiver as he thought of some of the things he knew 'other versions' of himself had done. Choices made, consequences met.

"That's not who I want to be. If there's ever anything I can do to help... I will. People should be judged on their actual decisions, not the possibilities they could choose..."

His eyebrow raised a bit as he considered past statements. "I suppose that doesn't really apply to undead or harpies.... and I was right about the Harpy... And goblins? Well... I'm sure you understand my opinions of them...

"That was petty revenge."

She watched him intently, curiously for a long moment, the amber of her eyes shifting as molten currents around the inhuman pupils.

"All the undead I've heard of are controlled by some evil power or curse, with no minds of their own to make decisions. Goblins? Well. . ." The angular jaw set in a hard line. "There could be some argument weather they have minds, but they make their decisions and I have personally seen to it that many die by them. I have never met a goblin who wanted anything but carnage and mayhem, but what if I did? What if you did?

"If you met a goblin that helped you or aided you in a fight, what would you do? What about a harpy, which you say your rule doesn't apply to? What. . . What if it was something else? Something that people are afraid of and simply know to be evil? Would you ever be able to trust that creature even if they helped you?"

While the questions were put to her companion, the vulnerability with which they were asked hinted that perhaps it was something she had not yet come to terms with herself. Indeed, Nerizza would be hard pressed not to kill a goblin on sight. After all she'd fought and seen, it was unlikely she'd allow such a creature to utter a word before its mouth was filled with the business end of her spear.

She was a hypocrite. She knew this.

Never did she expect trust from others though, for how could she? Truth was, she couldn't feel safe enough to trust herself, especially when in the heat of battle and the blood started flowing. She wasn't used to having friendlies so close around her and because of that, she'd been hesitating. . . Making mistakes. If she didn't get a grasp on how best to fit in with these unfamiliar battle tactics than she would get herself killed or worse. . . one of them.

Emilian winced at the question. He could see where the question was coming from, and was annoyed at himself for falling into the obvious trap.

"I.... don't know," he replied honestly. "Goblins killed my parents. If one tried to help me or save my life.... I would be very confused. I'm not really sure what I would do. "

He sighed as he contemplated the harpy again. "I probably should have kept a more open mind about her like the others did. The fact that they are known to eat people probably colored my opinion more then it should... and the fact that she approved of the desecration of the Desnan temple.... I don't know. I really did NOT trust her...."

He tilted his head a bit to see as deep into the hood of her cloak as his human eyes could.

"I hope you realize that doesn't apply to you though... I do trust you. You've done nothing but help save my life and the lives of the others. Other people may have differing opinions or expectations, but I've seen nothing that causes me to doubt my opinion."

He blushed a little as he added.

"Even the tail..."

Fear blossomed, impossibly hardening her countenance even further.

"How did you know about that!" The whisper cracked like a whip as she squelched a sudden urge to either bolt or attack, then was promptly followed by a colorful, self-deprecating curse after realizing she'd just confirmed his statement to be true.

Shalelu? No. . . The ranger would never betray her trust like that. But how had he known? Nerizza had been so very careful about keeping such. . .peculiarities hidden as best she could, and with so much time spent amongst the others, that caution had resulted in significant and continuously painful cramping in the base of her tail which remained tucked and coiled up behind her cloak at all times.

He was a seer gods take her! That must be it. She knew she should have cried off after the swamp, but her mentor asked for her aid. Shalelu never asked for help unless it was of supreme importance and Nerizza was loathe to disappoint the one person in this world that saw her as more than what she was.

Uncomfortable beneath his gaze, the tiefling shifted her weight to her back foot to create a bit more distance and fell more deeply into the shadows of her hood. She could only assume one reason that Emilian would approach her with this knowledge. . .

"What are your demands?" She hissed, furious in her vulnerability. "What do you want from me to keep this quiet?"

Emilian flinched at the angry change that the conversation had taken. He had been afraid what this revelation would result in... it's why he waited so long to bring it up. Two months were a long time to say nothing. He probably should have said something earlier.

"NOoooooo.... no no no!!!" The oracle stammered out as quietly as he could, assuming the most non-threatening posture he could. "I don't....want anything!" He sighed half-heartedly. Perhaps this night would end with him getting stabbed after all.

"Look, I know you've been secretive about it... I just wanted to let you know that I knew... and you don't have to be secretive around me. That's all..."

His face scrunched up in embarrassment as he clarified, "I've known for a while now.. When you fell against Tsutamu... the skeleton warrior in the swamp cave... It sort of... fell out of the cloak.

"I assumed you had your reasons for not saying anything to us, so I covered it back up and fed you the potion.

"That's the story... no more, no less... "

Nerizza was clearly confused.

Why?

The question reverberated through her mind. Why would he protect her secret, especially at the very beginning of their journey, when she was just this side of a complete stranger? Why would he not use that information to press an advantage over her now? Had he been holding this intelligence until he discovered her true nature? No. . . He truly did not seem to be the type.

She had little experience interacting with persons as accepting and forthright as Emilian claimed to be -- indeed had demonstrated being over the last two months! Maybe it was past due for her to practice a bit of authenticity.

Forcing herself to take a less threatening posture, Nerizza breathed out a sigh of resignation and slowly pushed back the hood of her cloak.

"You were right not to trust the harpy," she stated, not quite meeting his eyes. "Your instincts are very good. And I would not have faulted you for choosing not to trust me for much the same reason, but instead you decided otherwise."

The light of the fire was caught up in her hair as the grey hood fell to her shoulders. Cropped short -- hacked short in truth, her copper locks fell at haphazard angles, partially concealing two pointed ears reminiscent in shape to a bat's wing. Also, not quite concealed were the stumps of what appeared to be horns, savagely filed down and jutting out a couple inches beyond her hairline.

Slowly, her tail uncoiled and snaked around her body, pulling the edge of the cloak more adequately closed at her front as if it was a shield protecting her from adverse reaction. The tail was flesh colored with a harpoon-like single fin at the tip, and partially wrapped in strips of dark leather. Between the gaps of the makeshift armor strips, extensive scarring could be clearly seen in various stages of healing. Some looked old, little more than thin white stripes, while others, more recent, appeared to yet be scabbed over.

When she spoke again, her voice became small and child-like once more. Nervous. Uncomfortably vulnerable. "I really don't know why you made that decision, but I thank you for your trust. I can promise you that it has not been misplaced."

Emilian's eyes went wide as he saw... so much more then he'd expected. He knew there was a tail... but the way it moved on its own... grasping the cloak... he never would have imagined!

Ears, horns, the horizontal pupils, the pointed teeth... As he slowly let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding he realized the source of her concern. He understood her fear of revealing herself, and for that matter he could understand the reactions of townsfolk who had... reacted poorly. they young oracle was full of empathy for everyone at that moment.

However, while he may 'understand' the reactions of the scared villagers, he would NOT be counted amongst them. It was painfully obvious that she had taken a leap of faith in revealing herself, and would insist that she not regret it. Besides, he found her just as fascinating as he did scary. More so in fact...

He grinned with some effort and gave a sweeping bow in true gypsy showman style.

"Well met, and it's a pleasure to meet you Nerizza."

The shock in his eyes was irrefutable and for a brief moment, Nerizza thought she'd gambled too risky a hand and had lost all. Upon second glance however, there was no real fear there. Expecting revulsion, Emilian's response was more than she had dared hope.

Her lips stretched into a thin smile as he bowed -- a gesture that had certainly never been presented her before!

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Emilian." She returned the bow, albeit awkwardly. "A pleasure to finally be met by you, too. As I am, I mean. Without, you know. . .screaming and whatnot.

"There's only been two others in Sandpoint who'd managed to catch sight of me since Shalelu began looking after me, but they didn't take it well. I just assumed that you might. . ."

Feeling rather too exposed here in the center of a circle of wagons, Nerizza pulled up her hood but allowed her tail stretch a bit to help ease out the kinks.

"Well, I guess I assumed wrong," she smirked.

"Do you think the rest of the caravan would be so understanding? To be realistic, it's probably only a matter of time before some oni or nasty tundra beast gets a lucky shot and knocks me silly again. Then I'll have some more explaining to do," her shoulders slumped slightly. "It's not that I want to intentionally deceive our little band, but I just don't want it to be. . .a distraction. Back in Sandpoint I could always retreat to the wilds to be myself. And then with Shalelu of course," the tiefling explained, "but here with everyone always so close? Here I feel very confined."

Emilian frowned as he considered the question. It was difficult to predict the actions of others. Some times it was difficult to predict his own actions... others though... that was a whole different risk. He rarely liked to give advice on such matters.

"I'm not sure Nerizza," he said with a half-hearted shrug. "That would be your decision. I won't say anything to anyone if you choose to keep it secret.

"I do think that the longer you don't tell them, the worse they may take it... but I don't really know. I don't really know anyone else here more then I do you.

"Kromyar? He seems a practical sort. He's a bit more traveled then the rest of us and I suspect he's seen a lot more then he lets on. Takion? He keeps talking about dragons in the family... for all I know he may have a tail of his own," he said with a slight chuckle. "My first guess would be that they wouldn't have an opinion at all."

His brow creased as he thought of the others. "Lien is tough to read. I know she has a distaste for Oni, that may color her perception a bit. Or not. Depends on if she knows enough to separate the Oni from... the umm..." He stumbled a bit as he still wasn't sure what description would fit Nerizza. Demonic seemed to fit, but was a pretty harsh word to just toss about. He bypassed quickly. "Though she also seems big on honor, and as you've been nothing but good for our group and supporting her friend... I think she would be quickly won over too. She seems the type to put allies pretty high on her list.

"There's something about spilled blood that brings people together. Anyone you've fought with or saved shouldn't think twice about any... peculiarities. The others...

"Sandru and Ameiko are more concerned with the mission and the caravan than any of us. They may not be open to things that may keep away passengers or give us troubles at towns. I really don't know the drivers that well, though we did pick them up in Sandpoint too... Koya probably wouldn't have any issues...

"Like you said... Falling in battle is a serious concern, and it may be hard to keep a secret from our little strike force. The others? I don't know... once a secret starts getting shared, it can turn into a leaky bucket. It may drip farther then you want it to."

He shrugged again as he realized all he said really didn't amount to much. "That's my observations at least... Not sure how much that will help. Has Shalelu offered any advice? What does she think about you hiding all the time?"

Nerizza quirked her lips into a grimace. "Making my presence known in Sandpoint was never an option. That was part of the deal. However, I'm not in Sandpoint anymore so I don't imagine that the rule still applies. Shalelu has always been one to let me make my own decisions, only drawing my attention to the potential consequences of those decisions if she feels it appropriate. She's not the hovering parent type or anything," the tiefling couldn't suppress a chuckle, "but if she had been, I suspect we wouldn't have rubbed along as well as we have all these years."

As she continued, Nerizza let her eyes range over their camp and beyond, her sight penetrating the darkness in search of potential threat.

"Really, my own difficulty is just a minor wrinkle compared to what we're facing. Getting Amieko to where she belongs before the oni get to us and on top of that, a continent to cross? That is certainly a more consuming trouble and one that I see weighing upon my mentor. She's tasked me with keeping her friends safe. Amieko at the top of that list. So frankly," she turned to meet Emilian's gaze once more, "whether or not what I am is accepted by this caravan, I will continue following it. Seen or unseen. From within or without. I owe Shalelu that much at very least."

The words may have been spoken aloud to her companion, but they were as much for herself as for him. She was girding herself for what might come. Preparing for any eventuality.

"I was surprised that Koya chose to come," she stated, changing the subject. "From all I've heard, this trek will not be an easy one, and for a woman of her. . .advanced years, it will be exponentially difficult. The elements alone will be brutal. Do you believe she has the fortitude to reach our destination?"

Emilian grimaced as he glanced toward Koya's wagon. "I've wondered that myself many times. Rarely do I put the odds in her favor."

He sighed in frustration, "It's the Desnan in her. It's rare for a follower of Desna to stay in one place too long, and I'm surprised as a cleric she waited this long. The little trips weren't enough anymore... I guess the timing wasn't right, or maybe fate required her to wait...

"I don't know, I thought a trip to Brinewall and back would satisfy her... but Tian Xi?!? Even without the threat of attack, that is going to push her to the limits. Maybe not even just her. I tried to get her to go back when we realized where we were going... but she's stubborn.

"This is what she's waited for her whole life, she claims... I suspect if... something happens to her, she'll have no regrets. Myself? It felt weird leaving home like that... Knowing I may not come back... or if I do, most likely alone?? " His mouth grew taut at the idea.

"It's a weird feeling."

"Would you go back to Sandpoint alone? Or if you did go back, would you choose to stay?" She inquired curiously. "You are a follower of Desna too, aren't you? Between that and your family heritage, I'd be surprised if the travel bug didn't get it's jaws into you deep!"

"You may be right," he said with a shrug. "Mother missed the road, I'm sure of that, though... I'm not sure if it was the traveling itself, or the clan she missed.

"I've often heard amongst the Varisians that it's not the journey, it's the companionship. Whole families wandering around the continent carrying 'home' with them.

"I've never really left Sandpoint before. Until now it was home... Though the truth is, there really isn't anything holding me there. Koya would be the last of my family.

"I'll confess there's a little excitement to see this place... this whole other world. Anything beyond that... I can't see clearly.