An apology of sorts

OOC- this is a little thing that annie and I did already. Due to the shortage of time I did not invite anyone else in to this little conversation. We just finished it, and so I figured it was time to post. I hope you enjoy.

The alchemist's hair was only slightly encumbered by the pouring daily rain. It still seemed as random and chaotic as an explosion, and a little moisture could not hold that back. Normally under his makeshift tent working on experiments, today was the first time in a while that they had such an abundance of water, and the grime that normally accrues daily was now in abundance, and everyone was taking advantage of a little grooming time. Except Corrigan who was laying in the mud with his mouth open to the sky, drinking whatever accumulated in there.

Reegan looked over at Kali and felt slightly ashamed. The last encounter they had with that ghoul priestess was weighing heavy on his mind. When he looked at Kali, who risked her life to save him, he wanted to say something to her, but he was a bit at a loss for words. He was feeling grateful, that was for sure, but he had made it a general rule not to talk about feelings, especially with women. Growing up as he did, surrounded by prostitutes, he felt he had some idea of how women were. But Kali was different, and quite unsettling. He really didn't know what went on in her head.

What he didn't want was for her to "like" him. That would be a disaster. She came and rescued him, and he didn't know if it was because she did like him, or she would have done it for anyone in the group. Maybe... aww, screw it.

"Thanks for saving me when I screwed up yesterday." He blurted out. "I, um, appreciate it. I will try not to let it happen again."

Four thick, black braids, saturated with rainwater, snaked their way down the half orc's back as she squatted in the mud. Alert but relaxed, she kept her senses open for any danger that might present a threat to herself and her companions.

The sky to the south was clear. The earth was still. For now... If Ieana had her wish, it would not be so for long. She would bring the lightning again, and the mountain would tremble as she tried to awaken her serpentine god. Kali snarled through her tusks at the thought. The shaman of the Zul'mamwe taught her that the true power of the serpent could not reside with a god, but within the spirit of the animal itself and in those who sought to inherit that spirit through study and meditation. To battle this ancient evil, she knew she would have to focus herself and fall completely into mzimu'joka. The spirit of the boa to which she'd devoted herself.

Hunched, with her back to the rest of the group, Kali trained her eyes toward the red mountain as she sliced off a wedge of the ripe mango. Squee chittered on her shoulder for a bite of the juicy morsel and she obliged, allowing the monkey a mouthful before finishing off that wedge and slicing off another. Affectionately, she scratched beneath his furry chin just as Reegan took in a breath and uttered his thanks.

Golden, snakelike eyes peered at the man over a muscular shoulder.

"You...deed not 'screw up'..." Kali's soft voice and thick accent belied the power that lay coiled within her large frame. "De ghoul mother spoke vith powerful magics, you are not to blame. Eet might vell have happened to any of us."

Squee reached down to snatch the piece of mango from her hand, but she growled low and the little monkey hands stopped their attempt at thievery and turned instead to pleadingly pull at one of her braids.

"Besides, eet vas you who saved me vhen I fell to da chieftain." Ignoring the monkey, she slid the whole wedge of fruit into her mouth and began chomping noisily. "Eet is good for da kundi to take care of eetself... Together ve are stronger dan ve are apart. Together dis jungle vill not overvhelm us."

Reegan looked and felt relieved. That's right, he had been helping with the healing process. He was valuable, it was business, it was pragmatism. That was good. He could be valuable.

"I suppose you are right there, its just that, well, there is a conception that anyone who casts spells can defend against them well, and I do, well, mostly, but the ones that go after my emotions, I can't handle very well." He took a breath. "It isn't the reason why I am not a wizard like Deklan, actually, but it could have been in retrospect, I suppose, but anyway, I shouldn't apologize for something I can't do, that would be silly. I mean you don't apologize for being unable to decypher ancient languages, so why should I apologize for being the only one who was unable to resist the lure of eternal life no matter how repulsive it was in retrospect."

Retrospect, retrospect, oh no, he was rambling. That could be misinterpreted. He swallowed hard and was glad for the rain to hide the fact that he was sweating. "That's actually why I became an alchemist." He added, more slowly. "It was an alchemist who discovered eternal life in Thuvia. Rare plants and concoctions can do amazing and wonderful things. That's why I'm here. If I distinguish myself, or discover something nearly as great, I could afford to live forever too. You know, without becoming undead."

Purpose! A man who is dedicated can accomplish much. Distractions can take away from the goal. Friends were good, but even those sour without purpose. Survival was a purpose and so he wondered how many of these would remain friends after the need for that had past. But for now, it was enough. He smiled. Things were clearer now. "Thanks for letting me get that off my chest, its been a rough couple of days."

The ranger snorted sharply at Reegan's comments about eternal life, thinking he was jesting. When she found no laughter forthcoming though...not even a smirk, her heavy brows lifted in honest surprise.

"You're serious about dis...eleexir of life..."

Kali sliced off another wedge of mango and handed it to Squee who had ceased his tugging. Squealing with glee at the prize, he promptly stuffed the entire portion in his mouth and chawed on it, gagging on the juicy fruit which ran freely from his mouth and down over the shoulder of his large green friend.

"Vhy ees it dat you seek such a ting?" she asked, staring at him unblinking. "Who vants to leeve forever? Ve are here een dis place, een dis state of being, for a certain time, ve learn all ve can and den ve pass on to become von vith de spirit vorld. Vhat ees so appealing about dis mortal vorld dat you vish to spend an eternity here?"

Intrigued, the half orc turned fully toward the man and knelt, sitting on her heels and resting her hands atop one another. Palms up in her lap, they formed a kind of bowl in which the rain water started gathering.

"There is so much to see!" he exclaimed. "My whole life up to this point was lived in books, or bound up in slavery, and there is just so much out there to experience!" At this point he switched and instead spoke in polyglot "And so many people to meet, and new cultures to see, and landscapes and plants and potions and magic and tools and clothing and philosophies."

He smiled as he returned to the common tongue. "Of course, not all of them are good, but they are out there, just asking to be interacted with. A person couldn't see it all in ten lifetimes, but I want to. But when I think about doing that, I am faced with my own morality, my limitations, and I want to surpass them. I want to leave my mark and have it last."

Reegan stood up and stretched his legs and began pacing back and forth a bit. "Even so, all things eventually die, and I would want to think that my contribution to the spirit world would be beneficial, so I have to make sure my spirit is as potent and benevolent as possible so that when people call upon the spirits of old, they will call my name, Reegan Calcedon Borocco."

Kali was surprised at the man's sudden clarity of speech, as if the passion with which he spoke somehow put in correct sequence the words that fell from his lips.

While she could understand his desires for vast knowledge and universally recognized achievement, the half orc did not share similar goals. She didn't believe that such pursuits could lead to a fulfilling life. Not even if one was to live one hundred lifetimes. The Zul'mamwe were a simple people, whose achievements were measured in one's intimacy with the natural world, good companions, family and how often one could sit around a campfire, pass the pipe and tell tales of the hunt.

While she believed as they did, she no longer had a place among that people. Allies perhaps, if she were to return, but she was mengi. An outsider now. She had to find a place of her own and people with whom to share companionship, but true companionship was a difficult thing to find amidst a land choked with gold hungry trade organizations and cut throat relic hunters looking to scavenge from the riches of the deep jungle. Eventually she left her solitary life in the Mwangi Expanse and set out on a journey to find her spirit guide who would help her find her path.

So while she might not fully grasp Reegan's dream and purpose in life, at least he had one! She was still floundering for her own purpose.

The rainwater quickly filled her cupped palms and with a soft click of her tongue, Squee loped down her arm and drank from the makeshift bowl as she watched. When the monkey finished, he clambered back up to her shoulder, nuzzled against her neck and hefted one of her braids over his head to shield himself from the smacky rain. The half orc grinned. In her experience, animals were easier to deal with than people. They didn't pretend to be something they weren't. They were often more loyal, and if you treated them well, they would treat you well. People? They're an entirely different animal...

In spite of her past experiences though, she could not squelch the desire for humanoid companionship.

"Eet sounds lonely," Kali finally replied after a few moments of reflection. "De eternal pursuit of knowledge and personal glory... Ees der any room for friends? For family?"

Reegan stopped his pacing. He looked over at Kali with a look of horror. Wait, she was just as impassive as before, just curious. Yes, just curious was right. She wasn't using any of the thirteen involuntary seduction techniques. This was just a conversation.

"Friends are okay, but I would hardly be fit for family." he declared, suddenly sullen. "I have a poor track record with that. And family usually means staying in one place. Something I am not prepared to do at this time. Maybe some day, but still, I'm only eighteen. I've got so much to do before I could be ready for something like family." He smiled as he glanced off into the jungle.

"Gotta survive the jungle first, right? Ooh, I wanted to ask Deklan something." He started walking away and turned around quickly. "Thanks for the chat, Kali." And he resumed walking off.

He was pretty sure he did that well. Not too well, hopefully he had tread the line of aloof and never ventured into the realm of mysterious. Didn't want to be mysterious, got too many people interested, especially women. And he knew, that just couldn't happen right now. He had much more important things to do.