Fireside Chats

Thaddeus grinned widely at her giddiness. Something about her reaction was contagious. Suddenly this annoying necessity was starting to actually feel fun.

"Well.... I believe it would be thematic to change it at the wedding. Kind of 'starting a new era of the kingdom."

A mischevious spark gleamed in his eye as he grinned. "Of course... if you wanted to leak a rumor about the upcoming plans... Get the people used to the idea, I wouldn't opposed to that."

Sarala reached over and gave her brother a playful shove. "It's funny when you try to tell me how to do my job.

"Leak rumors to prepare the people... as if that is what a rumor is for. You're a funny boy!" She stifled her laughter with the back of her hand. It was amusing how little Thaddeus understood about her work. Rumors did not always work well to spread good news. They were better used to bring about discord, fear, and insecurity. None of which she was sure Thaddeus didn't want in his kingdom if he could help it.

"But I suppose I shouldn't be so disrespectful," Sarala looked back at Thad in mock seriousness, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I suppose the proper response would be to say, 'yes, my liege', 'whatever you say, my liege', and 'what wisdom and grace you have, my liege', and then humbly obey."

With a smug grin Sarala folded her arms back up underneath her head and shut her eyes against the light of the stars.

"But of course, brother knows best." she whispered the words crisply in imitation of their mother's strict, too cheerful manner she adopted when she taught them lessons as children.

Thaddeus eyed her with a mischevious grin. "I like the sound of that... I mean, the sarcasm may be dripping pretty heavily, but I'm going to choose to ignore tonight. After all... if I reprimand every time I hear sarcasm... I won't even get the fake deference.

"And frankly, I think you can fool the average person listening whether you're trying or not", he laughed lightly.

Shaking his head into a mere smirk he clarified. "When I said rumor... I merely meant that I don't feel the need for this to be some great state secret. When the wedding happens, the names will change... It isn't some subservience to the Fey kingdom... or declaration of war against Brevoy... though that may be closer to the heart of the matter then I wish. I'm not planning it as some great surprise for the them all." He shrugged his shoulders. "Some people like to flip to the end of the book to solve the mystery. I guess I don't particularly care if they get a spoiler or two here."

"I prefer to read my mysteries in the proper order," Sarala stated with the air of a purist. "Too many spoilers ruin a good surprise. Some secrets are meant to be puzzled out, and some are meant to be kept."

She sat up slowly, stretching her hands out toward the fire. A wave of tiredness ran over her body with a chill despite the warm temperature. The last few days of riding back from Pitax and she was weary from her head to her posterior. She could wait to be back home, in Akrios. She smiled as the idea struck her that she had only spent a couple of years living in the Stolen lands, and yet with all they had done here how quickly it had become home to her. It was just as Wynn had said, as one of the Matsuro Shi Sarala was tied to this land. She recalled the first time they met the oracle, how she had wondered what in the world this strange lady meant by telling them they were tied to the land. Now in a small way she understood. She loved it here. Novastasia was her home.

She turned to look at Thad with a glint of mischief in her eye. "Is there anything else you wish to address on this fair evening, my liege?"

Thaddeus chuckled at her antics. "Oh.... I'm sure there are a dozen or so things to discuss, but it seems my conversation bores you.

"Begone! Sleep if you must.... the king decrees that you shall be bright eyed and bushy tailed come the morning," he said matching her false deference with equally mocking authority. He tried to keep a straight face... but failed miserably.

He grinned widely, "Should you think of anything else... You know where to find me."

A chill was in the air that autumn afternoon. It held a promise of frost and possibly the first snow. Termination dust was the term the commen folk used in Akiros. Being so close to the mountains, as well as on the edge of a lake gurranteed that the first snow would be light and short lived. It was even possible for the Stolen Lands to enjoy a few more mild autumn days after such a dusting occured. Even so, Sarala knew that the winter cold would be long, which was why she was in the castle gardens tending to her roses, trimming them back and wrapping them against the winter's chill.

She wasn't alone in the gardens. There were others there too, servants who worked under the castle gardener. All were cutting and trimming, raking and prepping the gardens for winter. Their presence was little felt by the sylph who was deep in thought. She had been spending a lot of time in thought lately, ever since they had gone out to explore Lake Hooktongue. It had been about that time that Sarala had begun to feel discomfort with the strain in her relationship with Thad. Though she had been too proud to admit it to his face it was then that she wanted to end their disagreement and go back to the way things had been before. But she didn't know how. So she started thinking about how they had gotten into this mess in the first place. She thought a lot about what Thad called her trust issues, and about why she does what she does and wants what she wants in life. Most of her thinking resulted in more questions than it did answers but she believed in some small way it was helping. After all she and Thad had managed to have a decent conversation over some mighty fine whiskey on her birthday, a conversation that hadn't ended with threats or shouting or general ill feeling toward the other person. They were making progress...

As she bent over to reach for more mulch to insulate her prized bushes Sarala heard footsteps moving leisurely through the garden grounds before her. Her mind only half acknowledged the presence of another person still so lost as it was in it's own train of thought. The strain of a hymn wafted through the air and Sarala gave a start, pricking her finger on a thorn as she recognized the song of the Dawnflower.

"Shoot," she spat the word out to combat the pain. She looked down at her finger and noticed the blood welling up over the place that had fought with the thorn. Placing the finger in her mouth she looked up to see Thaddeus walking toward her.

Soon the winter would be upon them, and the king would miss his garden. At least until the spring brought the rebirth, hence the king singing one of his favorite songs. He nodded to the servants as he passed them by, they smiled back at him. There was something nice about happy servants. He didn't remember the ones at Stoneclimb smiling very often.

Thaddeus turned suddenly at the outburst the song dying on his lips. Half expecting danger, he immediately relaxed at the sight of the familiar sight.. The servants turned back to their work and Thad approached his sister.

"Good afternoon, Sarala. Losing the battle with your roses," he couldn't help but ask with a mischevious grin.

Sarala grimaced as the rusty taste of blood touched her tongue. Removing her finger from her mouth she spat out the blood in such a manner that would have brought great shame to the always poised Lady Charlinay Medvyed. Sarala could hear her voice in her head, full of pretentious, syrupy sweet gentility, informing the young sylph that her behavior was unbecoming to a lady of her status. But then she would have also added that garden work was only suitable for servants, going off on how a young lady ought to be tending to but tended to, just like a delicate flower.

Lessons of etiquette and accomplishment with the late Lady Medvyed had never quite suited Sarala's personal tastes.

"It was a war I thought to win," came her disgruntled reply. She pressed her thumb against the thorn's entry wound, flinching as a dull, throbbing pain shot through her finger.

"Hells," she complained in hushed tones, "I think there's still a piece of the thorn stuck inside." She pinched and dug but it only produced more blood and pain. Even after taking so many hits in battle against their many enemies in these lands Sarala still counted pricks from a thorn to be one of the most frustrating and annoying pains in the world.

"So are you going to come over here and help, or are you planning on just standing there?" Sarala raised her eyebrows expectantly. As she wiped the blood off her throbbing finger onto her work clothes she couldn't help noticing that Thad was not dressed for getting dirty. She stifled a smirk as she entertained the idea of throwing mulch on his clean, noble garb. The look on his face would be almost worth it. But to do so in front of the servants would be disrespectful and so she staid her hand.

"It's the least you could do since you practically crippled my hand just now," and furrowing her brow in a comical imitation of a pain expression she held out her hand, beckoning her brother to come and inspect it.

"Me?!?" The king was astounded at the accusation. "Am I a thorn now sent simply to irritate?"

Thaddeus Medvyed, soon to be Novastik was a unusual man. Warrior, Healer, Ruler, Brother, he was many things at different times, and all things at once. He knew she wanted some of the divine healing that he used so freely, but somehow he suspected that a mere thorn poke would have been considered an abuse of his gifts. Saranrae wouldn't smile on such things. Sometimes he felt he skirted the line with his removal of her fatigue and that last case of drunkenness. He suspected she'd try to exploit that new ability more often.

In his heart he still felt he was on the right side of the line however. Her fatigue was typically a result of her protecting the group all night and that drunkenness on her birthday? Well, he had caused that condition and hadn't done so with the knowledge she'd be mingling with nobles afterward. He had offered to put right what he had disrupted. The paladin would certainly be more careful in the future.

"Let me see," he said as he took her hand. The Warriors callused grip was strong, but the healer's hands were gentle.

"Yes, I think you do have a little something left in these... incredibly soft hands. I thought you were an adventurer now? Shouldn't you have a few more calluses by now," he couldn't help but tease her a little. The bridge between them hadn't quite been burnt, but it had taken serious damage. He had seen repairs being done to it on her birthday, but he still wasn't sure if it would hold much weight.

Carefully he took a small knife and despite her squirming quickly and expertly removed the offending thorn in her paw as he'd done so many times when they were young. The physical one at least.

"There you go... " he said as he balanced the tiny thorn on the tip of the knife for her to see. "Souvenir? They always look so small when they're out here don't they...

"Thorns or slivers, just like old times," he said with a wistful grin.

"Thank you," Sarala said before putting the offending finger in her mouth once more. She stared at the bit of thorn pensively, her eyes softening in a way that Thaddeus had not seem for a while. She almost seemed lost in thought once again, lost in the memories of the past. Her emotions were as open to him as they had been when they were children. But only for a moment. When her eyes came into focus again he could see her careful guard had returned.

"A lady's hands should always be soft, and I've worked so hard at keeping them so. Callouses are not proper," she simpered, extending her hand in a delicate manner before the king's nose. With a snort of defeat she let her hand fall to her side and, with eyes flashing, continued. "Though I'm sure you believe my heart is calloused as well as my tongue."

The words left a bitter flavor on her tongue and she wasn't sure if it was better or worse than the taste of blood. She recalled moments when Thaddeus had accused her of trickery and manipulation. Those words had stung, digging in deeper than any thorn could. She had unintentionally let them lodge in her heart and fester and now she was using it's poison to fuel her veiled hostility.

She reached down and tore off the cleanest spot on the hem of her shirt and tied it clumsily around her wounded finger.

"No, you're not 'simply' an irritation," she said with less venom in her voice. "You just managed to startle me, that's all. I guess I was so deep in thought that I wasn't paying attention very well."

Thaddeus' mouth tightened to a slight scowl. He had hoped for a road to reconciliation with Sarala, but she still seemed to hold some serious bitterness toward him. So be it. It was entirely too nice an afternoon for pointless bickering.

"Well then... I apologize for any discomfort my presence caused you. It certainly wasn't my intent.  I hope you have a pleasant day."

Barely keeping in a sigh of frustration the king turned and started to continue his stroll.

"No, wait..." her frantic voice called after him. Guilt twisted her stomach as she scrambled to cut him off. He was mad. She saw it all over his face. She had made him mad. This wasn't good. Not when they were just beginning to patch things up. Sarala took a deep breath and tried again.

"Please, don't leave," her furrowed brow spoke of her earnest apology. "Please... I'm sorry... Please, can we just talk?

"I promise I won't pick another fight. I don't really want to fight with you. All these disagreements of ours are just wearing me out. And I know it's my fault and I've been trying to figure out why; what it was that caused all this... animosity. But it's still not entirely clear to me yet.

"I guess I'm still a little hurt over some of it. I want to say that you aren't an irritation; I mean, if anyone is the thorn bush here it's me. But to be honest, some of the things you've said in the past have been irritating."

Though she knew it was the right thing to do, being so open with Thaddeus was very uncomfortable. Sarala looked down at her hands and stiffly picked at the fraying edges of her poorly wrapped bandage. Maybe it would have been easier to just let him walk away. No, she knew that wasn't right. It may have been easier momentarily but in the long run the ache of their separation would get much worse.

"I can be civil... just, please lets talk?"

Thaddeus stopped and turned back toward her, a look of surprised etched across his face. "Thomas, some privacy please."

The familiar lad snapped to attention at the sound of the king's voice. "As you wish sire," the boy replied and headed toward the garden gate, ushering a few of the nearby servants with him. While he wished to listen in, he knew enough to know that the king didn't want an audience for everything. He also knew King Thaddeus was as likely as not to mutter on the 'good parts' later anyway.

"Sarala... I know you can be civil. If anything I've had it up to my eyebrows with civility. I'd prefer honesty to be frank," he said as he shook his head in confusion.

"In a perfect world, I'd like to have honest civility... but I'll take what I can get."

He knew all too well the weariness she spoke of. He felt it too with more frequency than he wished. Hopefully this could be a better step toward mending.

"I would like nothing better then an honest civil discussion..." he said with a forced smirk. "What would you like to talk about?"

"In a perfect world we wouldn't disagree. In a perfect world Novastasia would prosper without threat of war; all would respect what we are doing here. In a perfect world we would only wonder at the great beyond, not fear it or anything that it may produce. In a perfect world there would need for marriage alliances with aloof and unrelenting fey queens. In a perfect world I would be out of a job, happily married and settled in Brevoy, making the Medvyed's proud. Actually, in a perfect world I wouldn't even be a Medvyed..." Sarala chuckled and continued to fiddle with the bandage on her finger.

"A perfect world sounds kind of boring to me."

There was a twinkle in the sylph's eye when she looked up at Thaddeus. Even though her continued conflict with her brother had become wearying she knew she needed a small amount of adversity to thrive. Thaddeus did have a point and she would try her hardest to meet his wishes. After all, she had promised.

"Honesty and civility..." she sighed. "You ask much of me, dearest brother." A hint of good natured sarcasm was in her voice.

Where should she start? There were a few things she wanted to say to Thad, and more things she was reluctant to say but she knew they needed to be talked about. She decided to address the difficult topic first knowing that if she didn't get it out of the way now she may end up avoiding it altogether.

"Let's find a more comfortable spot to talk." She led him over to what appeared to be an enormous bush covered in brown red rose hips, some showing just a hint of orange as bright as the sunrise. Spanning space between the flower gardens and Zaistrun's orchard the bush covered the surrounding wall so much that one could barely tell stone from twig. Sarala glanced over her shoulder before thrusting her hand right into the middle of the creeping roses, revealing a small wooden door in the side of the wall. She motioned for Thaddeus to enter and shut the door behind them. Like many of the doors to her secret passages in the castle this one also made no sound.

The triangular room was small, just enough space to fit a wooden work table and a narrow armoire on one wall, and wrought iron bench on the other.  A lidded urn stood at the room's apex, directly across from the door. Thick, spongy verdant moss covered the floor; silencing even the heaviest foot falls. Patches of it slowly crept up the wall as well. Two hooded sconces protruded out of the walls, one above the table and one over the bench, though neither appeared to be needed since the lack of any roof provided plenty of natural light. The armoire and table were both weather worn and roughly hewn, though still is decent condition. Flower pots of various shapes and sizes were stacked neatly on the work table. Sarala directed Thad toward the bench as she walked in the opposite direction. She untied the heavy brown cotton apron she was wearing and hung it on a hook inside the armoire next to an assortment of gardening tools. Brushing residual dirt off of her clothes she turned back to Thad saying pleasantly, "Welcome to my shed."

Thaddeus was curious as to the destination once he realized his shrine and bench wasn't their destination. Looking around him he couldn't help but laugh. As a child he had been fond of the idea of hidden rooms and secret doors, though apparently not as much as Sarala did. Even her gardening room was hidden from all.

"Well, this is certainly more private," Thaddeus said with a grin amiably. He suspected this conversation wouldn't be appropriate for prying ears, hence his dismissing the servants. Obviously that wasn't sufficient for Sarala. The fact that she was revealing one of her many secrets wasn't lost on him. It was obviously an attempt at an olive branch.

"However," he said as he settled on the iron bench in the cramped quarters. "I fear I must question your definition of comfortable..."

"Wait just a second." Sarala dove back into the armoire pulling out a lumpy bundle and thrusting it into her brother's face. "If you want comfort then that sheep skin ought to do it. Master Mordvinova passed that little trick on to me. He uses a sheep skin when he is doing a lot of kneeling in the garden. He told me that it really saves his knees from feeling the pain of it later. I got one of my own and found his wisdom to be indisputable."

She grinned as she watched Thad arrange the skin to his liking and settled herself down on the moss across from him. It had pleased her greatly to see Thad enjoying her quiet little corner of the gardens. Though she tended to some of the special rose bushes, ultimately they belonged to Mordvinova who oversaw all the grounds work around the castle. But this little place was all hers; quiet, safe, and secret. It was perfect.

"Now that I have abducted you I suppose I should show good faith and spill the goods, so here goes." She stole herself for the plunge and jumped in head first. Might as well get it over with now. Rip it off like an old bandage, and may the discomfort would be easier.

"Earlier, when I jested about you believing that I have a calloused heart I was only half kidding.

"I know that some of my dealings are more under the table than they are over it, and I know that bothers you. I don't know if that will ever change. But there have been a couple of times were you have accused me of severe back handed acts that boarded on cruelty. It makes me wonder what you must think of me. I feel like, despite your love for me, you operate as if I'm not a very good person deep down inside. Maybe it's subconscious...

"I've been rash, yes. I've gotten mad, yes. And I held a grudge... a little too long to prove a stupid point. But I do not, nor do I ever plan to, do you any lasting harm."

After speaking so openly and frankly to her brother Sarala let her eyes fall to the floor. She tried to keep her emotions in check as vivid memories of one of her greatest mistakes came back to haunt her; a mistake that had almost led to tragedy. Her words came again, this time in a quiet apprehension.

"I'm trying to do the right thing, what I believe is the right thing. And yet I feel like I can only be right if I agree with you, and everything else is inherently wrong. I feel like you've lost your faith in me; that I only exist to cause you to worry and concern.

"Wedding day misunderstandings and overblown arguments aside, what have I don't wrong? Why do I feel like you don't trust me like you once used to?"

Thaddeus flinched as if he'd been struck by an arrow... again. He had recognized the gulf between them, but hadn't realized how wide it was. Nor did he realize how much it bothered her too. This was an opportune moment. This was a chance to heal the rift, but as he tried to speak, the words caught in his throat.

"Sara..." he said as he tried to sort his thoughts. "You know me too well... We know each other too well sometimes." He sighed in frustration.

"You... have taken pleasure in our long past over tricking me... fooling me... outright lying to me. You're one of the few people who know me well enough to get away with it. You even have a magic ring to help you! Am I to be blamed for questioning whether 'this time' you're being honest or not?"

He could feel a dull ache behind his eyes as he continued on. Part of him wanted to laugh at Sarala's chosen hideout. There was no room to pace and no chairs to throw. He felt like a confined animal. He wanted to stretch out.

"I... apologize for any perceived cruelty," he said with some confusion. Obviously something he had said struck harder then he had intended, and at this exact moment he wasn't sure what. "I hope you realize I never intended to be cruel in any way at all... We both have tempers... and I've said some things that were hasty myself.

"As for the rest? I realize that not everyone does things the way I do them. I don't always like it, but I accept it. I don't try to oversee your Schmidts or anything... You run them as you believe best. Best for Novastasia and best for me.

"Right and Wrong?" Thaddeus nodded thoughtfully. "It's true, I do believe in a solid Right and a solid Wrong. There are some things that I simply won't do and don't want attributed to me. However I don't think I've been as rigid as that..." He couldn't help but cringe.

"Please, please don't be like Zaistrun... When I ask him for advice or information, that's what I'm asking for. Advice. Information... I take suggestions and weigh them... He has taken serious offense when I don't immediately agree with everything that he says on any particular subject. I have followed your advice multiple times, often against my first instinct. Sometimes however, I see a different path. If we disagree, it doesn't mean I don't value your opinion... any of my council's opinions."

Sarala's compassion went out to her brother as she listened to him apologize. Though she appreciated the heart behind the words she knew that he had misunderstood her grievance.

"I didn't mean that I thought your accusations made you cruel," she replied ruefully, nudging his boot with her own as gentle reminder that even though she was hurting, she was not angry with him.

"I felt like you were accusing me of acting cruelly, and it hurt. The accusations didn't hurt as much as the thought that you believed me to be capable of such cruelty. Tricking you into an uncomfortable marriage and trying to manipulate you into letting me marry Zaistrun as some act of revenge... I thought you'd know that I wouldn't do such things to you..."

Thaddeus nodded with new understanding. He could see where some of those would have been misconstrued.

"I apologized for that first one... almost as soon as the words were out of my mouth. I didn't really believe you were setting me up with Feluanil. I really didn't. I was just... angry. Not at you, so much as the situation... and father.

"With all the talk I had been hearing about my need for a bride... there was a small part of me that hoped it was a prank of some sort... but I always knew it wasn't.

"As for your marriage," he asked with a helpless shrug. "Perhaps a punishment was the wrong term there as well... Though it did seem to be suggested based on my actions.

"I made a decision... and the consequence was that you made a decision. If you did not intend it for a punishment.... and it still ended badly or brought you unhappiness... I would still feel guilty over my part in it. Whatever your intention... the result would have been the same."

He kicked out his boot and nudged her back playfully. "Truthfully, I thought it more of a bluff. Your decision was so... fast. It felt like you were saying, 'there must be a wedding... mine or yours,' in some desperate hope that I would push mine up."

He sighed in frustration as he looked at her. "Do you realize how much you've changed since coming to Akiros? Out of all of us who left Restov those years ago, you have changed the most... Sometimes I do have trouble recognizing who you are and what you will do...

"Sometimes it feels like just yesterday that we left Stoneclimb, just the two of us, off to face the world together. You used to confide in me everything. You were completely convinced that I was the only one fit to rule here.

"Now? You claim that you've changed your mind about arranged marriages?!? As if leaving Brevoy was a mistake you'd rectify if you could... You have others you confide in now... often times purposefully excluding me. You disagree with so many things I say...

"Are you sorry you convinced me to be king too? ... and the way you sided with the fey queen who was a complete stranger to us instead of me...

"I admit... I'm confused more often then not around you lately. I still remember who you were, but who you are becoming? She's becoming a stranger..."

"Have I really changed so much that I am no more than a stranger to you now?" Sarala furrowed her brow as she attempted to determine how this could have happened. "I know I've changed but I didn't think it had been quite that drastic. I still feel like I am me. Some things may have altered and I may have learned a few things but I don't feel like I am that much different from the person whom you helped to run away from home."

She could see her alteration bothered Thaddeus and she wanted to assure him that she was still very much his little sister Sarala. But all the changes he spoke of, changing her stance on arranged marriages, finding new confidants, even excluding him, these were all true. When had she started excluding him? It had just sort of happened. Any specific details were fuzzy to her. What reason had she found to hold her dearest brother at arms length? There seemed so many reasons now, piled up one on top of another. What had started it all?

"Can you remember the first time something I did or said took you aback? When did I start becoming a stranger to you?"

He barked a short laugh. "The first time you said something that took me aback? I'll assume you mean above and beyond the normal..." After all his sister was always saying and doing things outside of what their 'noble upbringing' would have considered normal.

His brow furrowed as he tried to think back for specifics. He had come to think of their estrangement as a rift. However now that he looked for the cliff edge, he realized it was closer to a slow erosion. Little by little water and weather had been wearing away at their solid foundation.

"There was a lot of new responsibilities and maturation when we moved. Some of the things you've said and done... I just took as natural personal growth... There was no way that Sarala the noble's daughter and Sarala the Adventurer would be identical. I never expected you to be.

"Then you found out about your Sylphness and you started running our Spy network. The siege threatened everything that we fought for and the blood and death you saw... It was horrible. I know that.

"I remember us having a heart to heart talk after our first battle... The first bandit you personally killed, I had half expected another one after the Siege. We all dealt with things differently then, but you did so without me."

He frowned as he remembered the dark days then, and corrected himself.

"No... I think it was before that. After I found out about the betrothal... That Father had done to me, so very close to what we rescued you from...

"I was in shock, confused... angry... and of all people, I thought you'd understand... back me up. That's not what happened though.

"I think that was the first time I was truly shocked by you..."

Sarala remembered that day. She had made a royal mess out of the royal office after they came home from her brother's unexpected engagement to the fey queen. Oh how fraught with strong emotions that conversation had been. And what pain it still bore. She hadn't realized how deeply she had hurt him that day; doing so had not been her intent.

"I'm sorry for the way I responded after the engagement, for the hurt I caused..." she paused as she thought about that defining moment, "but I think the turning point goes back even further than that day."

Something led her to react so adversely and she hoped she could explain it in a way Thad would understand.

"I think the change really started when you accepted the opportunity to rule part of the Stolen lands. All that had happened between leaving home and that point in time was just preparation for the change to come.

"Well, it didn't prepare me as much as it was a shock to my system...

"When you became king the more responsibility you got, the more I didn't know where I stood. You became more than just my brother, you became my ruler, too. I didn't know how to be your sister, friend, and show you the respect you deserved. And I remember when you shared your fears about becoming king. That scared me. I felt like I needed to feign confidence to give you the boost you needed to step into your new role.

"I believed you had everything in you to become a wonderful and good king , but your lack of trust in yourself shook me up a bit. I was scared that your fears would hold you back, cripple you from fulfilling your potential. So I stopped being frank with you, started weaving lies and pulling away from the kind of relationship we had before. I justified it by telling myself that doing so was best for the kingdom, but I think it was just an attempt to cover my own fears and confusion."

Sarala went quiet for a moment. This kind of self realization was hard. She hated admitting that she was wrong. It made her feel weak and vulnerable. But she knew that it was necessary if she and Thad were ever to heal what was broken between them.

"I still don't know how to treat you sometimes, brother king. We are no longer on equal standing, but I still find myself expecting more respect from you than I ought. I fight constantly with my desire to do and say what I want, and to do what I perceive is right. I think there have been times that I get so caught up in my own ideas that I take deep offense when you don't agree with me. I forget that you don't have to agree with me... and I hate being wrong.

"There have also been times when I have been so caught up in the burden of leadership that I forget that you are still human, and you are still my brother. I know I forgot that the day we found out about your betrothal. I was too worried about the future of Novastasia to see that you didn't need a councilor but a sister."

Thaddeus nodded sadly. He knew he was harder to relate to now that he sat on a throne. He had seen it in many eyes. He just hoped he wouldn't have seen it from her.

"So what now? I'm still king... and you're still my sister. Are we going to be able to get past this?"

"Is that all?" Sarala was a little astonished at her brother's calm reply. "No scoffing, shouting, no 'how dare you make me the cause of all this', or 'why can't you get it together, Sarala'?

"Just calm, albeit sad, acceptance of what I have to say..."

Sarala shook her head, trying to gather her thoughts. She had braced herself for the onslaught, assuming her frankness would backfire and offend her brother. He just sat there and took it, and now he was trying to fix the problem.

But she didn't know how to help.

"I've been trying to get past it," she hung her head in frustration, "but as you can see, I've been failing. I'm not sure what else to do. I just know that what I'm doing now isn't working."

The sylph stopped herself before she started getting worked up. It wouldn't do to start an argument now when they were finally discussing things civilly. This little frustration wasn't worth the fight anyway. She had noticed the sadness in Thaddeus' eyes, a trace of the burden of his crown. For a moment she tried to put herself in his place but she found her imagination to be lacking. She had little practice in trying to understand his perspective. Maybe it was time for her to start.

So with sympathy in her eyes back to him and asked, "Is it so hard to be king?"

"Sometimes," he replied simply.

"The responsibility is... staggering sometimes." He tried to think of a way to explain it.

"It's kind of like gardening... you find a piece of land, you plant your seeds. Then you water and trim, and sculpt... and hopefully the flowers come.

"But this isn't flowers... every seed has a name. They are lives... people, and more people they care about. They look to me for decisions and policies and protection... and if I fail. They will die. Horribly.

"And the responsibility is mine and mine alone. I can listen to advisers. I can appoint representatives and mayors... but when it's all said and done, 'I' was the one that appointed them.

"When you went to Mivon with Wynn and they were... displeased with Novastasia, it wasn't your name they were insulting or angry at. They didn't know you or Zaistrun or Paido.... they knew 'Lord Thaddeus'.

"Novastasia and I are joined in a way that is difficult to explain. What I do reflects on the people. What the kingdom does reflects on me. Remember the ramifications there were after the firebombing of that Mivonian tent? " There was no anger or accusation in his voice. The incident was years ago, and he had long forgiven the rash act. However, it was a suitable visual for how the actions of one person reflected on the king.

"My image is important to me. I am still a paladin, so I represent something bigger then myself. Something even bigger then Novastasia.

"I try to do the best I can... To be who I need to be for the people, for the church, and stay true to who I want be... But at the same time everyone is watching. It's like I'm on a stage in front of everyone... and I haven't even been handed a script, let alone memorized my lines..."