Fireside Chats

Sarala rolled her eyes at her brother. "You're no help," she gave Thaddeus a playful shove.

"I don't know," she sighed. "Good intentions really aren't enough for me. Wynnsaren was nice enough but she kept so much hidden from us. I have a hard time trusting a person who holds so much in mystery."

Sarala paused to consider the repercussions of her brother's acceptance of the prophecy spoken over them.

"So...," she started slowly, "if you you believe what Wynnsaren said about being tied to the land... what does that mean for our future here? I mean, we are so close to being done with what we were commissioned to do by the charter. Once we're done with that what else is there for us here?"

Thaddeus' brow furrowed seriously. That thought had been on his mind too. He had attacked this mission to fulfill his charter with such zeal, he hadn't considered what was next. That time was nearly on them.

"I suppose... that will be fate's decision. If we're needed here, then I suppose we'll be staying... If we're needed more elsewhere, that's were we'll go. I wouldn't worry too much about the prophecy... I hear they can be tricky. If you obsess over it, then you'll make it happen.

"She seemed to think there was more for us to do here... but who knows when enough is enough? Perhaps she means the Stag Lord. If we find him in the next day or two everything she said could have been fulfilled.

"No sense worrying about it. We'll take each day as it comes."

A small grin betrayed his mischievous mind as he glanced to his sleeping companions. Two could play at this game...

"However, Sara... I do appreciate any insights you have on our companions. I know I DO try to give people the benefit of the doubt... see the best in them. I am curious how you see people. Datzeg... Paido... That handsome young noble who can't seem to stop watching you...

"I dare say... if there was any music around, he'd be asking you to dance again."

"'That young noble' as you call him is pure arrogance!" she replied through gritted teeth. Of course Thaddeus would pick him of all topics to tease her about.

"Lord Garess," she intoned with annoyance, "has given me many frustrations, to the point that I just gave up caring about him. I figured it was better to ignore him than to blow up in his face in front of everyone."

She paused to calm her nerves. Over the past few weeks she felt like she had been doing so well at keeping her feelings detached from all that Zaistrun said or did. But now when her brother had brought the matter up she felt the frustration of it all mount inside her again. Why couldn't Thaddeus leave well enough alone...? No, it was no use trying to pin any blame on her brother for the way she was feeling. He was not responsible in the slightest. After all he was just trying to get some insight, and maybe a laugh or two at her expense. It was only fair.

"I suppose," she started again with a sigh, "he is quite capable, and knowledgeable. And for all his faults he is always honest and there is no guile in him. I daresay I wouldn't mind him so much if he turned off his attitude and kept his mouth shut.

"As for Paido, he is tired and true." Sarala smiled at the thought of how quickly the peculiar halfling had grown on her over the last month and a half. "His methods tend to be a bit unconventional but his intent is pure. You would do well to show him more grace when he is assisting you. Lately I have noticed insecurity in him when you wave him away. He wants to serve you. I know you think he should strive for something that you consider to be less demeaning, or that you are unworthy of such service, or whatever. But there is something you need to keep in mind. Greatness merits service.

"I think you understand a part of this. I can see it through your desire to serve others. But you don't realize that as you serve others, others may want to serve you. You just don't get it. But here is the thing, Paido knows that the best place, the place he can do the most work, is by your side in service to you. He wants to help you become great and in doing so, he will be great as well.

"He knows his place, but I'm not sure you know yours... yet."

Sarala cocked her head and peered at her brother. She wondered how much of this he was taking in. Knowing the low opinion he had of himself she wagered Thad would have to think on her words for a while. Being the third son of a noble house was not an auspicious claim and so her brother felt that he had to work a little harder to make his way in this world. If only he understood that people were drawn to him and that it wasn't bad to assume your natural position of leadership. He wanted others to be free to make their own choices but he couldn't conceive that they would choose to follow him.

"And to finish answering you question, Datzeg still eludes me somewhat." Sarala moved from serous tones to a lighter mood. "I guess he is an alright guy. I mean, he hasn't killed us yet, has he? I'm pretty sure we can trust him, for the most part. He seems to have made a change for the better when it comes to style of living. Though I'm not really sure why he sticks around, aside from the money...

"Maybe he likes following you, too..." Sarala grinned at her brother mischievously and winked.

Thaddeus laughed at her discomfort. It was rare that he could so easily turn the tables on her teasing.

"Zaistrun isn't so bad, Sis. Granted, I think you could do better... at the very least someone who smiles a bit more... but as you said, I think he's a good man at heart."

He grinned as he considered her opinions of their other companions. "Datzeg has turned around nicely... I'm still not 100% sure what he'd do if offered too high a payday... but I'd like to think we're having a positive effect on him.

"Paido... Your probably right, He seems happiest when doing the worst jobs available... I'd like him to feel... more. I feel a responsibility for him since Aldaric convinced me to bring him. I'm not certain I'm doing right by him.

"He has heart..." He grinned as he thought about every time the halfling charged first into combat against things at least twice his size. "Near as I can tell about 70% of his body weight is made up of heart!"

"It's true," Sarala smiled back, "he doesn't lack a thing when it comes to courage. If he doesn't die from lack of encouragement from you he may just die from having too much heart."

Smirking at her brother Sarala couldn't help thinking that he had missed half of what she just told him. But that was usually what happened when Thad already had 'ideas' about the way he did things. His ideas weren't all bad, Sarala just had issue with a few minor details. Thaddeus always seemed to make things work, though, even when his ideas failed him. She couldn't help but think back to Kressel's bandit camp, how things hadn't turned out exactly as they had expected that day. They had lost a good man back there... Even so, Thad had pulled through. And Sarala believed he would always pull through, no matter what came their way.

"Well, my work is done here tonight," Sarala yawned and stretched.

"And I can see that you're going to be no help at all... not telling me a straight answer on when we are going to leave this forsaken and uncivilized land. But no matter," she flashed a coy smile. "You know me, always the obedient sister, following you like a happy little pup." Sarala yawned again. "Time for this puppy to take her tail to bed!

"Hope you have a quiet watch, Thad. Goodnight and swynn... I mean, sweet dreams."

___________________________________________________________________

30th Gozren

Thaddeus wiped the soot and smoke from his sweaty face and slowly started removing his gauntlets. His face twisted into a grimace as he saw the greasy soot on the armor. He could only imagine that the rest of it looked the same.

Tonight had not gone as he had expected. Tonight the Stag Lord had more allies then he did. Tomorrow? His brain buzzed with the possibilities, but the majority of the scenarios didn't end well for him.

Him or his friends..

He approached the door to their sleeping quarters and glanced back, thinking of the road that had led them to this point.

"Sarala." He spoke softly, as he opened the door and saw their sorcerer resting... a bit more peacefully then Thad was sure he would do. "Walk with me a moment?"

Sleep had yet to come to the young sylph. Though her body was fatigued from four days of keeping watch in a tree her mind raced with adrenaline. What they had assumed would happen did happen. The Stag Lord had sent men after them, more men than Sarala had expected he would send, and they had proven the extent of their force quite clearly in nearly burning Oleg's front wall to the ground. The leader of these renegades seemed confident in the fact that they were going to succeed in their mission-whatever that entailed. He even had Sarala convinced of his capability in this matter. What could their small band do to stop them? Surely they would be overwhelmed.

As she rolled over on the simple mattress Sarala could hear the soft clink of metal on metal. She opened her eyes to see her brother removing some of his armor as he stood with his back turned to her. His shoulders were slumped under the weight of the lives of those trapped inside Oleg's Trading Post. Must he always take the full responsibility on himself?

Sarala met Thaddeus' glance as he spoke to her, asking her to walk with him.

"You know you don't have to ask," she whispered while slipping on her boots. "I was going to come with whether you wanted me to or not." One corner of her mouth turned upwards in a grin as the two of them slipped out of the building.

"I knew I couldn't leave you alone with your thoughts by the way this crockery was hanging off your shoulders. Now tell me, what is on your mind?"

"Hmmph... " Thaddeus failed to rise to the jibes aimed at his armor this time. Slowly they walked out the door into the cool night, away from ears that could be discouraged. This was a difficult conversation, but his heart and conscience were often at odds. This conversation was for his sister's ears alone.

"Sara..." He started softly. "Tomorrow, is going to be bad.

"We're outnumbered. Out powered. Their confidence doesn't seem the type to be swayed with mere words... Yet knowing what we know about these villains... I don't foresee any negotiations that I could live with.

"I believe tomorrow will bring blood. Lots of it..." He grimaced as he held back the full truth. There was a very good chance tomorrow would be the dawn he saw.

"I have to stay. I can't simply let these people continue as they are... But you don't. I'm confident you could get away, get over the wall... however it is you do what you do...

"If... IF the fort falls, I don't want you to fall into their hands. You or Svetlana... You could get her away...."

Thaddeus was certainly in a grim mood. Sarala was a little disappointed that her attempt at a joke had fallen flat. The disappointment didn't last long when she remembered just how grave a situation they were in. Listening to the inflections in her brother's voice she could tell that Thad was afraid of what the next day would bring for them. She hadn't seen him him so worked up about anything to this extent since he came back from his paladin training.

Maybe he didn't need a lighter mood right now. Maybe what Thaddeus really needed was to know her ever abiding loyalty and support. Sober heart Sarala listened calmly and patiently to his words, nodding in assent when she found it appropriate.

Then his words struck her whole being.

"I have to stay.... But you don't...."

He wanted her to leave. He never meant for her to stay. All her calm was shoved aside by a whirlwind of emotion. Anger. Disappointment. Confusion. Fear. Each one tore at her mind demanding precedence over the others. Her face flushed red with impatience. How dare he even think about sending her away? The thought incensed the sylph. Was she meaningless to him?

Sarala opened her mouth to give Thaddeus a piece of her mind when she caught the look in his eyes. It was the look of a man who was ready to give his all and knew that everything he had was not enough to protect the ones he loved. It was a look that said she meant a great deal to him and that he wanted her safe, but he wasn't sure if he could secure that safety himself. She realized Thad was really only looking out for what he thought was her best. Even so, she did not wish to leave him. Looking down Sarala closed her mouth in a sigh. She could feel the tumult ebb away leaving a rock in the pit of her stomach. Could she leave her brother knowing that he most likely would not follow?

Sarala stopped walking and grabbed her brother's arm.

"I will do this, if you really want me to, Thad." Uncertainty creased furrows in her brow as she searched his face for answers. "But you have to look me in the eye and tell me truly that you would much rather have me leave then you would have me stay by your side."

Because I cannot leave you behind when I know you need me here. Sarala thought silently to herself as she awaited his answer.

Her brother grimaced at her answer. He wanted to tell her to flee. To say whatever she needed to hear to hear to keep her safe. But he still couldn't bring himself to 'lie'.

"Rather... doesn't play a part in it Sara. I've made too many promises. I promised you I wouldn't leave you behind when it became dangerous... I promised father I'd protect you. Tonight, I don't know how to do both.

"Your asking me if I'd 'rather' have you safe... or with me? I don't really know how to anwer. Both? I've loved adventuring with you these last few months...

He tore his eyes away from her penatrating stare. "I can't think of anyone i'd rather have with me...", he forced a strained grin.

"Well... Maybe Tambor and a garrison or two of Brevoy's finest soldiers."

Sarala chuckled at Thaddeous' pitiful attempt at a joke but the laughter quickly ended in a small groan. Somehow it didn't feel right to laugh when their hopes of survival were small. Now she knew why her teasing had fallen so flat upon Thad's ears. At least he had tried to lift her spirits as she had tried to lift his. Even so, Sarala realized that the time for useless banter had passed, it was time to focus on living through the next day.

Despite his beating around the bush, Thaddeus had quickly answered her question of whether she should stay or try to escape thus helping her to make up her mind. Though she was determined to see it though Sarala was still a bit uneasy about her final decision. She noticed that nervous energy was starting to make her hands shake. She decided to keep moving so that maybe, just maybe Thaddeus wouldn't notice.

"I can't deny that your desire for me to get out of here before it gets ugly doesn't have it's merits. And I understand why you would ask me to do it, which is why I offered to take your advice and leave." Sarala started slowly, hoping that her brother would hear her through. He could be just as stubborn as she was when he wanted. She hoped this wasn't one of those times.

"And yet, the way I see it, I have about the same chance of survival if I go or stay, maybe less if I leave and try to take Svetlana with me. It's easy to think that all those bandits are busy working on their own defenses but I don't think that they are dumb enough to let their captives escape out the back. And say I do get out, how will I stay hidden? We're kinda out in the open here at Oleg's. And how am I going to get anywhere without a horse? It'll only be a matter of time before someone catches up to me. And don't you start thinking about my advantage with sneaking around because I've already thought about it and I honestly don't think I have the skills to make it out safely. So either way the odds are just as bad.

"But the odds of everyone else's survival if I leave are also bad. Having one less person to stay and fight isn't going to help you. I won't leave you here with the knowledge that doing so might very well put you in your grave. I know you, I know how you will fight until you have nothing left. Someone has to be here to pull you out while you are still breathing. And don't say that Paido will do it because you know full well that he will be too busy fighting the rest of them off. If you are going to make good on your promise to Father than you need to be living!

"I know that I don't have much to offer when it comes to defeating the enemy outside our gates but at least I am another set of hands. If it makes you feel better, I'm sure Oleg has some heavier armor I could wear. I know he should, because I sold it to him. I can't see him minding if I were to borrow it for a short time. And I know there are a few daggers and other pointy things that could be used as well. We'll get a good plan going... I'm sure there are some supplies around here that we haven't thought of yet..."

Sarala faltered as the words escaped her brain. Gruesome images of possible outcomes were tugging at the back of her mind. She knew she dare not let herself dwell on them. Clearing her throat she tried to bring herself back to the point she was making.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is this. As much as I want to honor your wishes (and I know that you care deeply about my safety) I cannot go. I cannot in good conscience leave you here when it might be to your doom. I hate the fact that we even have to talk about our... our deaths like this but that is really what it comes down to, isn't it. You want to be sure that I live so you ask me to go. But I want to be sure we both live and so I choose to stay-which is really want you wanted anyway. I think Father would want it this way, too.

"Besides, we're Medvyed's. Endurance runs in our veins. I think we stand a chance on this one."

"That it does Sarala... that it does." He actually caught himself chuckling a bit as she immediately shot down his response, even as they had formed in his mind. This girl knew him entirely too well.

She was right... While she may be underestimating her sneakiness... It would still be disastrous to send Svetlana with her. He honestly believed she could get away on her own... but that would be asking her to forsake him and her other friends. Something she obviously had no intention of doing.

He had mixed feelings about her decision, but he didn't push any more. Truth was he knew he'd feel better knowing she was near then he would 'wondering' if she escaped.

"Very well then," he said with a wry grin. "Tomorrow should be a day neither of us will forget.

14th of Erastus
Third Watch of the night.

---

It was time for the changing of the guard. Sarala had served her turn as night watch and was now securing the last strap on her brother's armor so he could take over for her. However, she was feeling less than sleepy this night. During the rush of establishing themselves in the land that had been given to them, the siblings had found little time to just sit down and talk. In fact, Thaddeus and Sarala had spent little time together over the past couple of months, what with Sarala's decision the stay at Oleg's Trading Post. But now in this last month of summer they found themselves on a quiet trip to Restov.

Quiet for the most part, anyway. They had run into an owlbear a couple of nights ago, but that wasn't anything new to Sarala. She was beginning the think that owlbears were as prevalent as rabbits in these parts. Other than the owlbear the trip had been a peaceful reminder of their short time of adventuring. The time before the responsibility of building and ruling a new kingdom. So much had changed in so little time.

Seizing the moment of uninterrupted time with her brother Sarala made herself comfortable on the ground beside him.

"I'm not really that tired yet, so I thought I would stay up and we could talk," she started in, looking expectantly at her older brother. "It's been awhile and I've really missed our talks, so I hope you don't mind."

"Mind?! I'm glad to hear it!" Thaddeus said happily, though softly enough to avoid waking the others.

He sat back down near the fire and patted the ground next to him. "Come! Sit! It's been entirely too quiet around Akiros lately."

"Quiet in Akiros?" Sarala raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "Really? I thought you would have a mountain of paperwork to keep you busy, among other things...

"Everyone always seems to be working so hard whenever I come to visit. I guess I just assumed it was like that all the time. Lots of building and moving. Seems like everyone's constantly doing something. How in the world can that be considered quiet?"

Sarala gave Thaddeus her typical incredulous look. Sometimes it was hard to believe that he was now the ruler of their own small country. It seemed like yesterday that they were chasing pixies in the woods around their family home. So wild and carefree. Now everything was business. It was a hard transition for Sarala to get used to, but she willingly gave up some of her freedoms knowing that it would help her brother be a better king. This was the job he was made for and she believed that with all her heart.

"Well if you need some one to stir up some raucous in Akiros so badly I guess it's high time that pack my bags at Oleg's and move in!" Sarala reached over and grabbed her brother's arm, shaking it emphatically. "What do you say, brother? Shall I come and live in your little city? Do you think it can handle me?"

"Well..." Thaddeus thought carefully. "Perhaps quiet isn't the right word... Boring certainly doesn't apply either. Let's just say..." He stopped suddenly as her words sunk in.

"Wait a minute... Really?" He glanced toward the sleeping Zaistrun in confused relief. "Have you.... worked out whatever it is you needed to work out?"

Thaddeus's eyebrows raised up questioningly as she tried to switch the subject. Try as she might now, he knew well enough that Zaistrun was at least part of the reason she had spent the last few months sequestered away at Oleg's, instead of being down in Akiros where she belonged.

Still, if she was ready to move back, then he was glad to have her back.

He hid a smirk as she revealed the well loved book. It shouldn't have surprised him at all that his snoopy little sister had found his personal journal. Still, what he'd written there was 'MEANT' to be read... granted, he'd imagined it be years down the road... but such is life.

"If I wrote it, I felt it." He said simply, as he turned the pages to the familiar script.

"I am not certain that I'll succeed at this task... but I'm certain I don't want anyone else to ride roughshod over the local inhabitents, that's for certain."

"I hope you don't feel this way anymore," Sarala gestured to the open page. "At least the part about failing. The part about not wanting anyone else to do it is perfect!

"I don't know where this idea of failure comes from, Thaddeus. It's like you rake yourself over the coals over the littlest thing. Like this failure thing is the biggest fear in your life. I've seen it haunt you when things get tense. Like at Oleg's when the Staglord's men came to burn the place down. You kept it together alright but there was something in your manner, your attitude, it was like you were preparing yourself to die. I saw it in your eyes when we spoke that night. And I see it again, hiding behind the layers of all the responsibility you now carry. Like you're steeling a part of yourself away, just in case...

"You worry too much, Thad. Sometimes you just over think things," looking up at her brother Sarala swept a finger across his forehead as if to wipe something away. "See, I know that you're not a failure. I don't think you'll ever be a failure. You're just not that kind of guy, never have been. You do the best that you know how by the people around you. You were like that even when we were little. Remember how you used to pretend to be one of the sword lords? You'd always played at being the hero. It was your dream and it is who you've turned out to be!"

The sylph sighed diverting her gaze to the fire, watching the orange sparks as they soared on their quest to the stars. The realization hit her that this was how she viewed him. To her, Thaddeus was like a burning spark, lit to brilliance by some supernatural power, rising higher and higher until he took his place in the heavens.

"I'm not trying to tell you how to feel," she said softly, almost apologetically. "Really, I'm not. At least, I don't mean to be. Feelings are a great thing to keep around. And some of your feelings are what make you such a great king!

"We all feel fear. Heck, I'm even a little afraid for you right now!" Sarala let out a chuckle knowing her fear for her brother was a bit absurd.

"I'm afraid you'll let the fear of failure get to you. Don't!" her voice became serious once more. "Don't let it trap you. Don't go out there preparing for your death. Prepare to live! Because that's what you do! You live, and you live well!

"I know you probably think that dying for others is like, the sacrifice to end all sacrifices. That's a nice sentiment, but don't you think that living for others is just as important a sacrifice? Maybe more important?

"I don't know..." the sylph shrugged as her voice trailed off. She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment in thought.

"One thing I'm sure of, though," Sarala straighten up as she faced her brother again. With a defiant finger thumping the cold metal of his breastplate she continued, "and that is this: You were made to be king! To lead people to a better life, it's just what you do! It's your calling, your destiny, it's in your blood, however you want to look at it that's the facts! And if you refuse to trust that that's the way it is then maybe you should trust Sarenrae instead. She picked you, right? She has shown you her divine favor after all! So if she favors you then she must see something good in you, something great even. I highly doubt Sarenrae grants such favor to those who she thinks will fail."

Thaddeus grinned at her ranting.

"What can I say? 'Hope for the best, Plan for the worst.' or maybe 'Pride comes before the fall...' Really, i have a thousand cliches bouncing around up here if you have the time. All designed to instill a sense of humility."

"I've heard the stories of rulers who did not start their kingdom with a sense of humility. People who believe they are innately better then those they rule over. Blood, training, conquest... It rarely ends well."

He sighed and looked up towards the stars.

"Do I think I can be great king? Yes. I think a kingdom built on my ideals could be a glorious land that would fill the story books of legend.

"The reality though? Politics are a slippery slope. There are compromises, there are treaties, wars... Things I would never do. Where does the balance lie? Can a 'Good' man stay a good man in politics?"

"That's my only concern, that either my good intentions cause me to slip into a tyrant... or that my willingness to stand up for my beliefs cause the destruction of our little kingdom."

He nudged his sister back as he put on a confident grin.

"It's a learning process, I don't know what the future holds."

"This is true, we don't know what the future holds..."

Sarala wrapped her arms around her thighs as she tucked her knees up under her chin. She hid a smile behind the fabric of her leggings as she pressed her cheeks into her knee caps. It was always this way with Thaddeus. No matter what she tried to tell him he heard only what he wanted to hear. He didn't ever twist her words like some people did when they were trying to be manipulative and controlling. No, he just saw things in a different light, as if he were looking through a colored glass. Even if she said something was red, he would come back and say it was purple because he saw it through a blue window. In a oddly harmonious way they were somehow both right. It was this fact that staid her constant frustration at being misunderstood. The fact that Thaddeus saw things differently was important and she loved that about him.

"You will be a great king, though." Sarala inclined her head toward her brother, her voice full of confidence. "A good king, too. No matter what happens.

"This is what I believe."

Sarala smiled at Thaddeus. There was no other living person that she trusted more then she trusted him. And he had never given her any cause to doubt.

"Speaking of the delicate details of politics," her words danced as a mockery of weightier matters. "Have you given anymore thought on the issue of our last name and any presumed ties of allegiance it may still hold?"

"Gahhhh..." Thad grimaced at the question. "I'm tried a few things in the extremely few spare minutes I've had... Nothing really sounds right though."

He tried to hold back a chuckle as he kicked a loose stone towards the makeshift fire.

"Of course... I've been meaning to chat with you about it... but you've been gone soooooo much. I mean... I'm not even sure if you intend to change too."

The firelight danced mischeviously in his eyes as he again glanced towards the sleeping sorcerer. "I was going to ask... but it seems like any time there is slightest sliver of a chance of you changing your name... You take off running for the hills!"

"What are you trying to say, Thaddeus?" Sarala snapped to attention as every thought about changing their family name left her head. She pierced her brother with a withering look, her voice sharp with accusation. "Are you trying to tell me that you disapprove of certain life choices that I've made? Hmm? Because I'm not quite sure I clearly understand what you are saying. And I'd love to know what Zaistrun has to do with this. Can you enlighten me?"

With her eyebrows raised she settled back, leaning on her hands and waited for his response.

"Disapprove would be a strong word..." he said as he shrugged his shoulders. "I agreed with you when we left home. Oleg's however? Not so much.

"I've tried to give you space. I mean... my first instinct has always been to protect you, but lately... seeing you out in this world. I've been trying to not be 'over-protective." He smirked a little before adding, "It's harder than I would have thought...

"Zaistrun tries to hide whatever feelings he has for you... and he's pretty good at it, but I'm not blind. Where, as soon as you noticed his interest, you decided you weren't going to stay in the tents with us... and chose to stay 3 days of hard riding away.

"Doesn't take a detective, to work out that your confused about something...

"Of course... You used to come to me when you had questions or secrets."

Sarala felt instantly guilty for getting mad at him. All Thad wanted was to be there for her and she had pushed him away. It was true, she had always depended on him before, why was it so different now?

"I'm sorry I ran away. It was a reaction, one that I thought would make things easier, better... After hearing about Zaistrun's... attraction I got a little freaked out. Then when he decided to stay on and help build the kingdom I felt like I was going to be trapped and I just needed some space. I mean, I never imagined he would want to stay... So, I thought the best way to... deal with things would be to spend some time at Oleg's.

"But I never thought it would hurt you... I guess I thought that you would be too busy getting things together in Akiros, that your load was already heavy enough that adding my insignificant troubles would be a distracting from more important things. I want you to succeed and I want to help you succeed. I don't want to be a burden."